when you don't pay attention while filling forms...





shit...

I've seen stupid people, stupid people doing stupid shit, and stupid shit.
Now, this takes my concept a bit further... this IS Shit being Stupid

Introducing...

The Turd Twister!

"The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during
your morning constitutional. Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly
between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course.
Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister
extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs
whenever you like!"

That's it, though...

"Imagine the beauty of your turd as it passes through the great
designer patterns.
And the Turd Twister's advanced design and breakthrough material
specifications mean successful turds every time.
Simply insert the apparatus, take a dump, and watch the results!
Fun for the whole family!"

And goes on...

Troubleshooting:
Problem:
"The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What's wrong?"

Probable cause and solution:

• You may have too much or improper lubrication.
  Remove the device and wipe it down with a dish towel.
  If lubrication is desired, we recommend saliva only.
• Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room.
  Refer to the "Dietary Concerns" section of this manual.
• Your sphincter may have abnormally expanded. Immediately discontinue
  use and consult a physician.

/me goes speechless...

I see you almost everyday... when i walk by, you come to meet me and shake
my hand, give a smile, and ask me how i am doing...

Yes, it is your, Mr or Ms Unknown Dumbass, i don't know you,
neither do you know me, so what if we stop pretending we care
about each other and don't say things like we meant them, uh?

I barely know your name, where you live or hardly can recall you from
a course in which we shared the same class, but i do NOT CARE about you,
neither do you about me.

The fact that you've seen me for 3 months or that we work at the same place
does not make you my friend, nor gives you for granted that you know me.
When i walk out home, i fake politeness, or i ain't getting a promotion or might
even get fired for being an asshole all day long.

So NO!, i ain't shaking your hand anymore, nor smiling back at you,
you hyprocrite piece of shit.

Download your Hypocrite wallpaper!

How to make people hate you:
Own a Vanilla Ice album.

• Ties:
these fucking pieces of fabric shit are a pain in the ass.
You literally cannot take a pee without getting this thing on the way,
don't even mention fuckheads who wipe their asses off with this..
Neither can you brush you teeth without some nice
white mentolade-ant attractive-stain


• Lazy restroom users:
dumbfucks who take a shit and are mentally unable to wipe their asses
properly and flush the thing in the process.
I'm fucking sick of lifting a toilet cover and finding a big brown hairish turd
waving at me.
I'm training some monkeys in the art of urinal shitting and flush handle peeing,
to give this tards a reason not to flush.

"hi there fellas :D"

• Air condicioner at 7° in Winter:
i can barely feel my numb deep-blue colored fingers because some fuck thinks
is great to emulate common Russian summer in our fucking winter.
i'm so sure it's some menopausic bitch who's always having some weather
complex, you know, "hot when is cold" and the other way around.
goddamn you bitch, now everytime i have to pee i must first seach for my weener.
fuck you very much

common office clothing

• Stupid retarded guards:
you see me entering the building every single fucking day of the week,
and yet you ask for my badge.... what the fuck?
ever heard of something called photographic memory? associative cognition?

"Ok, so you asked him already for his badge?
ok ok, he's coming, gonna ask him too har har har!"

• "Smart"(ass) elevators:
this stupid algorithm works like this:

1. person is on the 5th floor, elevator on the 4rth one
2. elevator goes all the way up to the 11th and then comes down to the 5th.
3. Person wastes 5 minutes of his/her miserable life and then hangs himself
   with underwear.

Tip to make people hate you:
Become President of the United States or the bitch who regulates the air
in my building.